He is strong and unyielding in the dark. When you wake up shaking and sweating from nightmares, he will be there to gently pull you into his arms and stroke your hair until the after-effects have worn off. He will stand guard over you, protecting you from insomnia’s minions as you are soothed to sleep by the feel of his body next to yours. Have two people ever fit so well together? When you mumble incoherent thoughts, he will catalog them to bring up to you the next morning, teasing you about the funny things you say in your sleep.
Don’t be surprised when he pulls you closer as you shift away in your sleep. He likes being close to you and will make sure you know how much he loves you, even while being swept away by dreams. Even if he is fast asleep, he will respond when you whisper, “I love you.” Some part of his brain will always be awake when it comes to you.
He has nightmares, too. In the morning, he’ll try to shut down and not talk about them. Be patient with him; he will open up eventually when he is ready. Just being there next to him gives him comfort and reassurance. Sometimes, our nightmares wear the face of our worst insecurities. When that happens, you need to tell him a few times, over and over, that what he is fearing will never take place, that you love him exactly the way he is.
It is not an empty or false promise if it is truly what you feel in that moment.
Before you fall asleep next to him, remind him to take out his contacts at least an hour before bed. If he wears them too long, they start to irritate his eyes. His eyes are so beautiful. The perfect mix of brown and green, the most eye-catching shade of hazel to ever exist. I kept a spare contact case and toothbrush in my bathroom for him when he stayed over.
It’s your turn to do that now.
When you are laying beside him and he is stroking the skin of your left hip, do not be alarmed if his fingers pause. He is used to feeling the rough edge of my scars and it might take him some time to adjust to touching smooth skin instead of the scar tissue that marred mine.
He loves sleepy mornings spent together, doing nothing except existing. The morning sunshine streaming in through the window next to his bed, small murmurs of conversations being had here and there, but the loudest thing will be his heartbeat against your ear. Savor these moments. They are precious pieces of light that deserve to be memorized and replayed.
He wears his emotions on his sleeve and will never hide anything from you. He does not know how to conceal them, and this is a weapon you might accidentally use against him. Our words are sharpened knives that glint in the dark and spark with our anger. When you apologize, give him a soft kiss or brush your fingers through his hair; your touch will bring him peace, and he will respond to the love that transfers from your skin to his.
You, as the next girl that will fall asleep beside him, are the most important person to me. Please watch out for and take care of him. Be kind to him. Do not hold anything back; give your heart to him in its entirety. I am trusting you with the enormous responsibility of loving him the way he deserves, the way that I’m not able to do anymore.
Maybe this is selfish, but please do not let him forget how much I loved him. Hurting him, while inevitable, was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I want the two of you to make new memories, but I do not want to be gone from his heart forever. You will be the center of his universe, but I hope there is room for me in a tiny star tucked away where the feeling of falling asleep next to me resides.
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